'Ghostbusters' Trailer Reaction

A while back the news of an all-female led Ghostbusters surfaced which led to many differing opinions on the matter, some believing that it is unnecessary and will do nothing for the beloved franchise while others think that it is a clever decision. Personally, I was not too keen on the idea at first. Before you extreme social justice warriors bombard me, it was not because of the female leads (I think it is an interestung concept) but mainly because I would rather see the return of the original busters. Despite that I decided that I could give it a chance when it eventually was released. I was a bit iffy when I heard Melissa McCarthy was cast as I don't particularly enjoy her, but I am a fan of Kristen Wiig so that sort of made up for it and I thought maybe this could be good. Then the trailer hit yesterday. Oh boy was I disappointed.

If you haven't seen it already you can watch it here.

Now before I go on about why I was so disappointed with this new trailer, I would like to address some of the (few) things I did like about it. One thing was that these new characters do not seem like gender-swapped carbon copies of the original team as I had initially expected, they seem like they are all new with their own unique personalities which is relieving for me. Another thing is that the trailer begins by referencing the first movie in a way that could make one assume that this is not a reboot but a spin-off, continuation type thing. For me this is good as would not destroy the continuity of the original films and could mean appearances from Venkman, Stantz and Zeddimore (and maybe even Dana Barrett if we're lucky). The final thing I enjoyed about the trailer was the inclusion of Slimer, you can't have Ghostbusters without Slimer.

Now for my problems with it. First of all, from what I gather from the trailer, the humor shares no consistency with the original Ghostbusters films. The original films were hilarious, not in an in-your-face way but in a clever, sometimes subtle way only amplified by the talents of its cast, the humour felt natural and nothing seemed forced between the actors. From what the trailer shows, this is not the case with the new GB movie, the jokes in the trailer were unfunny and seemed very forced which is a shame because it had so much potential. It could have been just as good as the first Ghostbusters but instead it just looks like your usual run-of-the-mill comedy film that gets released every year. Now of course this is only an assumption formed from the trailer but so far it has left a bad impression for me personally.

The ghosts in the Ghostbusters universe have always been exaggerated and cartoony so I'm glad to see the new film sticking with that instead of going down the gritty route that a lot of reboots would go. However, the ghosts in the trailer look like they're the spirits of old Las Vegas Casino signs. That's just a minor thing that bothered me though.

Melissa McCarthy seemed less annoying than usual in the trailer which was a pleasant surprise, however it seems Leslie Jones' character has taken up that place. Her character appears to be an outdated, exaggerated stereotype and her presence in the trailer is an irritating one. Kate McKinnon's character actually looks great while the trailer doesn't show much of Wiig's or Hemsworth's characters so I can't really say much about them. There is a scene towards the end of the trailer where the busters seem to be facing off against a horde of ghosts in some sort of fight scene full of horrible CGI, that is when my hopes fully died for this film.

Maybe I'm being a bit unfair as it was just a 2 minute trailer, it could have saved its better moments for the actual film. As for now however, it appears that Ghostbusters abandons the general tone of its predecessors to fit in with that of all the other painfully mediocre comedies of recent years. Maybe it's the absence of Dan Akyroyd and the late Harold Ramis from the positions of writers, maybe it's the change in people's sense of humor in the past few decades. I was willing to give this film a chance, I really was, a team of female Ghostbusters is an excellent concept but if the trailer is anything to go by it as just executed badly. We will see how accurately the trailer represents the final film when Ghostbusters is released this July. 

Vault of Doom- 'House by the Cemetery'

Hello horror fans and welcome to another entry in the Vault of Doom, this week I will be discussing Lucio Fulci's supernatural gore fest, House by the Cemetery. Fulci is known for his excessive use of gore in his films ever since Don't Torture a Duckling and this film has no exception as it is as gore filled as his others, gaining it a spot on Britain's video nasty list in the 1980's. Now I'm a big fan of Fulci, I can stomach the gore and can deal with the ludicrous plots that make little sense, but of course this won't appeal to everyone so he's a bit of an acquired taste. This post will look at the films strong and weak points while again, incorporating my own personal thoughts on it, so please sit back and enjoy.



I first watched House by the Cemetery one summers evening after a friend recommended it to me when I told him I had recently watched another Fulci film, Zombi 2. I had no idea what this film was about or if I would enjoy it or not, but I decided to watch it seeing as I loved Zombi 2. Little did I know I was getting more than I bargained for as the film is now one of my favourites of Fulci's and something that I can happily watch over and over again. However, it is not without its flaws, in fact to the non-horror fan it is probably one big flaw, but when you're used to Fulci you can look past that. The film follows the Boyle family moving into the formidable Freudstein House (by the cemetery) so that Dr. Norman Boyle (Paolo Malco) can continue his collegues research on the house after his apparent suicide. Along with Norman is his wife Lucy, portrayed by frequent Fulci collaborator Catriona MacColl and their son Bob (Giovanni Frezza), a character who you will grow to hate more than the films antagonist. First of all, who names their child Bob? Secondly, why oh why is he such an annoying little shit? Aside from being horribly dubbed by what sounds like a middle aged woman, Bob takes every opportunity he has to turn you off this film for good. Whenever he speaks it sounds so unnaturally annoying that it really freaks you out, and when he isn't speaking he's making these weird sounds while playing with his toys, like shut up PLEASE.



Another thing about this film that I don't understand is the character of Ann the babysitter played by Ania Pieroni, or eyebrow girl from Inferno. When we first meet Ann it isn't exactly Ann, it is a freaky shop window mannequin that looks like Ann seen by the films ghost girl Mae (Silvia Collatina). This hyper-realistic mannequin freaked me out when I saw it, despite not having much relevance to the plot it is the first of many things in the film that made me feel uneasy. Later when Ann finally does make her entrance it is practically drilled into our heads that she resembles the mannequin as it cuts back an forth between shots of her and shots of the dummy. Ann gets up to some strange stuff such as exchanging strange glances with Norman, acting suspiciously around the basement and oh yeah, cleaning up the blood of one of the creatures victims. So what is her significance? Well, nothing really. Ann dies at the hands of the creature while Bob is acting the bollocks in the kitchen, her suspicious behaviour is never explained and her disappearance is quickly dismissed by Lucy. now I have read some theories that Ann was in fact Norman's mistress, which explains her suspicious behaviour around him, but does not explain why she was cleaning up the blood of an unsuspecting victim.



Like all Fulci films, the death scenes in House by the Cemetery are dragged out and memorable, not a bad thing mind you. On the surface, they are sheer exploitation and Fulci's way of shoving as much violence into one death scene, one scene had to be cut down for being too long and graphic. However, they are suspenseful as hell, particularly Ann's as we see her being pursued helplessly by the mysterious creature. Similarly, the POV death scene of the realtor is just as memorable and as she almost gets away, her foot is caught in a crack in the tomb on the floor (that's right) and she meets her grizzly demise. The film is extremely suspenseful in fact, it has multiple tense sequences that will have you almost falling from the edge of your seat, they really display Fulci's talent of building suspense and that there is more to him than just gore. One of the films most intense scenes is when the creature (finally) comes after Bob and there is a great bit where Bob's head is pressed against the door while his parents on the other side chop through it with an axe. Unfortunately Bob survives and is in fact the only Boyle to survive by the end of the film.

I am also a fan of the films monster, that was eventually revealed to be the sinister Dr. Freudstein (Giovanni De Nava), the original owner of the house. Throughout the film his presence is teased, from the death scenes to the terrifying pair of eyes in the cellar, we are left waiting in anticipation for the creatures reveal. Visually, the Doctor looks very zombie-like with rotting features, a tattered labcoat and no eyes (which does not explain the eyes in the cellar), he is a horrible looking creature and exactly what you'd want from a horror film antagonist. He kills both of Bob's parents and in the end he is never stopped, Bob is whisked away by ghost girl Mae and some Victorian lady and they wander off into the netherworld. The motivation behind Freudstein was that he used the dead bodies to help regenerate his cells to keep him alive for years which, in fairness to the movies somewhat ludicrous plot, does explain why he was killing and does give him purpose (Not like Ann or Bob).



By the time House by the Cemetery ended I was left with many questions, what was Ann's purpose? Whose eyes were staring out from the cellar? What the hell did that quote mean at the end? It does leave several questions unanswered and leaves many ploy holes unfilled. However, it managed to scare me and at the end of the day isn't that the true purpose of horror? It is extremely suspenseful and had my heart racing, it had many moments that left me uneasy (like that mannequin scene) and the gore is some of the best you'll get from the time it was made. House by the Cemetery is a film that can scare you while you simultaneously laugh at how bizzare it is. It is scary and entertaining and although it has its plot holes, some questionable dubbing and Bob, it is an enjoyable film and one of Fulci's best in my opinion. This has been another entry in the Vault of Doom, thank you for reading.

Top 10 Movie Masks

There are many features that make movie characters so memorable, their clothes, their physical features and in some cases, the masks they wear. Over the years we have seen a variety of memorable masks on the big screen, from the ones that conceal secret identities to the ones that just make you look scary as hell, masks definitely add to a characters personality and can have an effect on that characters impact on the film. The following list is my pick for the top ten movie masks of all time, it covers a range of films from horror to comic book adaptations, but mainly horror. Enjoy!

10. Baby Mask- Brazil 

Terry Gilliam's surreal sci-fi comedy had many memorable scenes, from Sam Lowry's (Jonathan Price) dream sequences to his mother's (Katherine Helmond) questionable cosmetic surgery, Brazil was not a film you'd soon forget. However, one of the most memorable bits for me was the films climax where *SPOILER* Sam's former friend Jack Lint (Michael Palin) proceeds to torture him while wearing a mask that resembles a baby doll's face. It is undeniably a creepy mask and given the time when its used it becomes a lot more unsettling, however due to the darkly comical nature of Palin's character it's not completely unnerving. The mask only makes a brief appearance but its time onscreen is certainly memorable.

9. Hockey Mask- Friday the 13th franchise

Ever since its first appearance in Friday the 13th Part III, Jason Voorhees' hockey mask has become an iconic object in the world of horror cinema. Ever since Jason donned the mask in the third installment of the franchise he has continued to wear it, making it a symbol of both Voorhees and Friday the 13th. Its round, empty sockets and featureless face make Jason seem all the more lifeless and imposing, like some hulking phantom with a machete in hand. Once you lay your eyes on Jason you'll never be able to look at hockey masks the same again.

8. Michael's mask- Halloween franchise

One of the more enigmatic horror movie villains (for a few films anyway), Michael Myers was a characters whose motivations were shrouded in mystery. This hulking man was made all the more imposing by the sinister rubber mask that he wears while slaughtering the babysitters of Haddonfield Illinois. The lifeless, black eyes are what makes it most memorable, Dr. Loomis (Donald Pleasance) at one point even recounts how black Michaels eyes were. Funnily enough, the original Myers mask was actually a William Shatner, James T. Kirk mask that was tweaked a bit to give it its sinister appearance, so the next time you're watching Halloween remember that's William Shatner's face killing all those teens.

7. Translucent mask- Alice, Sweet Alice

A film about a little girl being brutally murdered on the day of her holy communion is a pretty dark concept, especially when the little girls sister Alice (Paula E. Sheppard) is the prime suspect. But what makes this film terrifying is the mask that the raincoat-clad killer wears. It is a creepy, translucent mask that wears a sinister grin, giving the killer a strange doll-like appearance. It is a simple idea but oh god is it creepy as hell, I would consider it one of the more underrated horror movie masks, maybe because the film is not as iconic as the likes of Halloween or Friday the 13th. However, it may be one of the creepiest masks in any horror film I've ever seen.

6. Rorschach's mask- Watchmen

Alan Moore's acclaimed graphic novel Watchmen got its own film adaptation in 2009 where the relentless Rorschach was played by Jackie Earle Haley. Dressed like a noir detective with his trench coat and fedora, Rorschach's most memorable feature is his mask that resembles an inkblot (thus the name Rorschach). The best feature of the mask is that it can change itself depending on Rorschach's mood, how does it do this? Nobody knows but it's very cool. Although Rorschach does claim that this mask is his actual face while his alter ego, Walter Kovac's face is in fact the mask, I think the white inkblot mask better fits this list.

5. Button-eyed mask- Nightbreed

Nightbreed was an adaptation of Clive Barker's story Cabal about a young man who stumbles upon the hidden city of Midian inhabited by monsters. Although it was not as memorable as Barker's claim to fame Hellraiser, one thing about it that you will not forget is the character of Dr. Phillip Decker played by the master of body horror himself, David Cronenberg. Decker was a serial killer who wore one of the coolest masks ever, a sack with a zippered mouth and button eyes, spooky stuff. It is a creepy mask due to its expressionless button eyes and its distorted features and it really made Decker an eerie character, along with his chilling voice. After Pinhead, he could be one of Barker's finest creations.

4. Ghostface- Scream franchise

Wes Craven's meta-horror Scream and its subsequent sequels introduced a new generation to the horror genre and the franchise has since earned its place in the horror hall of fame. One of the reasons why it has become so iconic is its mysterious antagonist Ghostface who dons a ghoulish white mask that is reminiscent of the Edward Munch painting The Scream. Although Ghostface has had multiple identities, the mask has remained consistent and has since become a symbol of terror for the citizens of Woodsborough. It has since become the subject of numerous rip-off Halloween costumes however the original mask is as memorable as the killers sinister voice, provided by Roger L. Jackson.

3. The "killing" mask- The Texas Chain Saw Massacre

The original Texas Chain Saw Massacre saw the insane Leatherface (Gunnar Hansen) wear a variety of masks fashioned out of human skin. Three masks were worn in the original film, the old lady mask, the pretty woman mask and the killing mask, my favourite of the three. The killing mask is the one that Leatherface has become most associated with, human skin stitched together and stretched across his face and earning him his name. One scene in this film that I will never forget involves the mask, it is when Franklin (Paul A. Partain) and Sally (Marilyn Burns) are walking through the woods at night and Leatherface appears out of nowhere with his roaring chainsaw. It is a shocking scene and the sudden appearance of that hideous mask onscreen is one of the most memorable scenes of the film. Out of all of the masks worn by movie serial killers, Leatherface's is by far the greatest.

2. Guy Fawkes Mask- V for Vendetta

Another adaptation of an Alan Moore graphic novel, this time in the form of the dystopian masterpiece V for Vendetta. The protagonist known only as V (Hugo Weaving) wears a grinning Guy Fawkes mask to reflect his anarchistic ways, much like Fakes he wants to take down the system and the mask perfectly represents this. It has since become an iconic image, becoming a symbol of liberation and freedom and can be seen being worn by many an activist. It has also been used by web-terrorist group Anonymous, and has become heavily associated with them. However, the mask has its origins in Moore's story and has gained its popularity from  the film adaptation.

1. Vader's helmet- Star Wars franchise

By far the most iconic movie mask of all time belongs to the imposing Darth Vader (David Prowse/James Earle Jones). The mask not only conceals Lord Vader's disfigured face doubles as a breathing apparatus, thus the heavy inhaling and exhaling. It adds to Vader's sinister appearance, the lifeless features of the mask reflect Vader's lack of humanity and how he has become more machine than man. It is a symbol of dread throughout the galaxy and a figurehead for the Empire, Vader's mask is one of the most recogniseable ones in cinematic history and even today remains just as iconic as it did back in 1977. 

So that's my pick for the top 10 movie masks, some honourable mentions go to Hannibal Lecter's mask in Silence of the Lamb's and the Phantom's mask in The Phantom of the Opera. If you've got any movie masks that I've left out let me know what your favourite is. Next week there will be more from the Vault of Doom where I'll be talking about the Lucio Fulci film House by the Cemetery, so stay tuned for that.

What is 'Death House' and Why You Should Be Excited For It

If like myself you're a big fan of horror cinema, you've probably heard the recent news of a film called Death House floating around the internet. If you haven't heard of it already, Death House is a film currently in development that is being dubbed 'The Expendables of horror' and is based on an original screenplay written by the late Gunnar Hansen aka Leatherface from The Texas Chain Saw Massacre. I first heard about this movie some time last year a while before Hansen's death but at the time there was not much about it to be found online, however as of recently there has been news that the final draft of the script has been completed. The film has been written by Hansen and its director Harrison Smith and is due to be released next year which means production will probably begin some time in the months to come, exciting stuff. So what's it all about? Well according to IMDb, this is the premise:

The Death House is the Area 51 of Evil...a subterranean government facility that holds humanity's worst on nine levels. Hell...Dante's ninth level, holds the Five Evils...the "dark stars" of Death House. These individuals are so heinous they can never walk among society again. They may also be supernatural.
Agents Toria Boon and Jae Novak have their own dark pasts, arriving at Death House to tour its levels and observe its denizens first hand as well as the medical and mental experiments of Drs. Eileen Fletcher and Karen Redmane. Their depraved experiments date back to the Nazi doctors of WWII. Prison cells are virtual reality holodecks that recreate prisoner environments before they were incarcerated. A special hallucinogenic gas keeps inmates under control. The victims are homeless bused into Death House to play literal victims while killing habits are studied. The results are sick, but only a hint of what goes on here. Hell literally breaks loose inside the facility when an EMP device detonates, killing all power and communication and...releasing every prisoner.
Boon, Novak and Fletcher are caught in a race against advancing prisoner hoards led by occultist Neo-Nazi Sieg. The monsters are freed and they're going down. Boon and Novak's fight through Death House turns into a house of horrors gauntlet with the only hope of escape in descending into Hell and with the help of The Five Evils. Events culminate in a violent face to face standoff with absolute evil...only to find that they have traveled down a rabbit hole and through a looking glass. Black is white and white is black and the definitions of good and evil no longer apply...
Who are the monsters?
Who will escape...


Very exciting stuff indeed, to me it sounds like the final act of The Cabin in the Woods meets Con-Air or something along those lines. The most exciting thing about this film is the ensemble of horror alumni reported to be on board, in this post I will take you through the who's who of Death House. 

Danny Trejo

If you don't know who Danny Trejo is then I assume you've been living under a rock for the entirety of your life. The actor has become a hispanic Chuck Norris of sorts and has appeared in a variety of roles in films such as Machete and The Devil's Rejects along with several television appearances in shows such as Breaking Bad. He is one of the most recognisable actors in modern cult cinema and is an excellent addition to the cast.

Robert Englund

One of the biggest icons in modern horror cinema, Englund is most well known for his portrayal of Freddy Krueger in the Nightmare on Elm Street franchise. He is an actor who can be both humorous and menacing at the same time and as he is one of the biggest names in the horror genre in modern times it is only right that he is added to the cast.

Dee Wallace

One of the greatest scream queens of horror cinema, specifically in the 80's, Dee Wallace has appeared in a number of horror films including Cujo and The Howling. Her onscreen presence always has a lot of energy and she always brings so much life to her characters. Her role is supposedly that of Dr. Eileen Fletcher, a doctor with questionable methods who works at the Death House, I look forward to seeing what Wallace will bring to the film.

Kane Hodder

Hodder is both an actor and stuntman who is best known for playing Jason Voorhees in four of the Friday the 13th films and Mr. Crowley in the Hatchet films. Due to his height and build, Hodder makes for an imposing figure and the fact that he does stunts too is a bonus. Hodder missed his chance to go toe to toe with Robert Englund when he was recast in Freddy vs Jason so maybe in Death House he'll get another chance.

Michael Berryman

Berryman is another recognisable horror alum who is best known for his role as Pluto in Wes Craven's The Hills Have Eyes. This role earned him his spot in the horror hall of fame and since then he has appeared in other films such as its sequel and The Devil's Rejects. Berryman has since become one of the most recognisable actors in modern horror cinema and it is only right that he have a place inside the Death House.

Bill Moseley

I'm a fan of Moseley especially so I was delighted to see him among the ensemble, always entertaining in his roles, Moseley brings a dynamic atmosphere into any scene he is in. He is most well known for his memorable role as Chop Top Sawyer in The Texas Chain Saw Massacre Part 2 along with being one third of The Devil's Rejects, Otis Driftwood. He has appeared in a variety of horror films throughout his career and Death House is certainly lucky to have him on board.

Barbara Crampton

The Beautiful Barbara Crampton is another scream queen along with the aforementioned Dee Wallace who has appeared in numerous horror films from Re-Animator to more recent titles like You're Next. She has had a long and colourful career in the genre and is another of the more recognisable scream queens of the modern era. She is reportedly playing Dr. Redmane in Death House, a collegue of Wallace's character so it will be great seeing the two scream queens side by side onscreen once again.

Doug Bradley

He'll tear your soul apart, that's right, the man who brought the menacing Pinhead to life in Hellraiser is joining Death House too. The English actor has starred in 8 of the Hellraiser films making him a long standing member of the horror hall of fame, he brought personality to the character of Pinhead and made him the memorable movie monster that he is today. I look forward to seeing Bradley in Death House and to see if he channels any of that Pinhead energy since retiring from his role as the cenobite.

Ken Foree

This tall, well-built man is best known for his memorable role as Peter in George A. Romero's Dawn of the Dead, however if you grew up in the late 90's watching Nickelodeon you will probably recognise him as Roger Rockmore from Kenan and Kel. Like Hodder, his build makes him and imposing figure but as we have seen in the likes of Kenan and Kel, Foree is just as comedic as well. 

So those are the residents of the Death House, along with the likes of Camille Keaton and Torsten Voges they will be causing havoc within the maximum security facility hopefully sometime next year. It is a shame that Gunnar Hansen won't be around to see the final film as it is essentially his creation, but I'd like to think the final film will be dedicated in his memory. Now this film could either go good or bad, it could be a milestone in modern horror becoming a memorable cult classic or it could simply be shite, but all I know is that seeing all of those horror film stars onscreen together will be enough to satisfy me. Death House is currently in pre-production and is expected to be released next year.

Vault of doom- 'Suspiria'

Welcome boys and ghouls to the first installment in a new fortnightly segment that I like to call Vault of Doom. Every two weeks I will be looking at a different horror film, usually cult films or forgotten classics, and discussing what makes them so great and the impact they have had on me. It is essentially the appreciation of horror cinema by a combination of facts and personal experiences so I hope you enjoy hearing me raving on about the bizzare, the bloody and the brilliant films within the Vault of Doom.



I have decided to begin with my personal favourite horror film of all time, the psychadelic, supernatural Italian masterpiece that is Dario Argento's Suspiria. For those of you who don't know what Suspiria is, it is a 1979 Italian horror film about budding ballerina Suzie (Jessica Harper) beginning her education at a prestigious dance academy in Germany only to discover the dark secrets that lie within its walls. I first became aware of this films existence about three years ago during a phase where I was beginning to build up a tolerance to the general scare tactics of horror cinema. Jump scares became predictable and gore was no longer vomit enducing which led me to seek out some of the scarier films which I hadn't seen, this led me to find a trailer for Suspiria and after watching it a number of times I had to see it immediately. I first watched it one night in the summer of 2013 alone in the dark and as soon as Goblin's haunting theme began to play during the titles I knew I was in for something completely different.

One of the first things that struck me while watching Suspiria was the lighting, the red and blue colours greatly enhanced the mise-en-scéne and along with the beautifully eerie score I was already feeling the goosebumps within the first few minutes. That's the thing about Suspiria, sure it has a few jumpscares and sure there are several bloody sequences, but these are not what Argento relies on to make this film scary. Instead he uses a combination of the colourful cinematography and Goblin's chilling soundtrack to build this atmosphere of suspense that will leave you feeling somewhat uneasy during some of the films more intense scenes. This is only enhanced by the excellent production design, inside the Tanz Academy lies a labyrinth of colourful and bizzare rooms that feels like a Tim Burton movie on acid, you can see that a portion of his influence is drawn from Suspiria. Visually, the film is a work of art as nearly every frame is like looking at a painting. It has a hauntingly dreamlike atmosphere that gradually descends into a twisted nightmare of the occult.




There is one particular scene from the film that I remember scaring the shit out of me when I first watched it, not in an in-your-face jump scare kind of way but in a way that left me feeling uneasy throughout and had that feeling stay with me long after the film had ended. The scene involves the blind pianist Daniel (Flavio Bucci) making his way home from an evening spent drinking at the local boozer, his only companion being his trusty guide dog. The scene plays out with the tune of Goblins spine tingling theme lingering in the background, we follow Daniel as he makes his way through the dark and empty streets before finally arriving at a large, empty town square. There is a real sense of isolation in this scene as Daniel stands alone in the vast square like a single ant in the middle of your kitchen floor, he is surrounded by darkness. The tension continues to build as his dog becomes increasingly uneasy, barking frantically at the shadows projected onto the surrounding buildings. This eventually leads to an unexpected crescendo that I won't spoil, it is a scene that creeped me out very much at the time and still comes to mind whenever I'm walking alone at night.

Of course the film is not without flaw, there are several plot points that seem rather underdeveloped or unexplained. What was the grand scheme of the evil coven who resided in the Tanz Academy? Why was Suzie targeted in the first place? What was the deal with the freaky butler Pavlo (Giuseppe Transocchi)? All questions that linger in the mind when Suspiria ends, but in a way they only add to the surreal mystery surrounding the film and leaves viewers to form their own theories out of the ambiguity. The film also contains some questionable acting and dubbing, certain dialogue seems rushed at times and some of the minor characters come across as quite unrealistic in how they act, but the main players all do a decent job in their roles so it's not all bad. German actor Udo Kier turns up at one point, the only cast member I had any prior knowledge of at the time which made me laugh a little when I heard his strong German accent replaced with a smooth American one. The films flaws are minor though and in the grand scheme of things you tend to be too busy being hypnotized by the visuals to remember them.



All in all, I loved Suspiria when I first saw it, it is a hypnotic visual masterpiece with plenty of chills and stunning imagery, Argento's masterpiece. Even now when I watch it I am still overwhelmed by the sheer beauty of this film, although it no longer manages to creep me out as much I will always have those fond memories of running up the stairs in the dark afterwards while Goblin played over and over in my head. It is a must see for any horror fan and a recommendation for budding cinematographers, or if like my girlfriend you just love nice lighting I'd suggest watching Suspiria. If you have any thoughts or memories about the film let me know in the comments, apart from that I hope you have enjoyed the first installment of Vault of Doom, until next time!

Masters of Horror, the essential episodes

Masters of Horror was a horror anthology series that ran from 2005 to 2007 and was penned by The Stand director Mick Garris. Each episode was directed by a different director known for their works in the horror genre, John Carpenter and Tobe Hooper were among the names. On paper it sounds like a brilliant concept but in reality, Masters of Horror was unfortunately a bit of a hit and miss. Its episodes lacked consistency, ranging from shockingly good to painfully bad and by the time it ended, the bad outweighed the good. It was a shame to see such a brilliant concept so poorly executed, the show had a lot of potential but fell down with some of its weaker episodes. However, there were several episodes of the show that stood out among the rest, episodes that were so shocking and frightening that they earned their respective directors the titles of  'Masters of Horror'. To give you an idea of some of the redeeming factors of Masters of Horror, here are six of the shows greatest episodes.

6. Incident On and Off a Mountain Road

The first episode of the series directed and co-written by Don Coscarelli of Phantasm fame is one of the more average ones on this list but an episode I quite enjoyed. It follows a young woman named Ellen (Bree Turner) on the run from a mysterious killer known only as Moonface (John DeSantis) in a forest in the mountains. It flashes back and forward between those events and previous events involving Ellen and her husband (Ethan Embry) on a survival retreat in the woods, both stories come together in the end in a clever plot twist. I enjoyed this episode a lot mainly due to its strong female lead who manages to overcome the numerous obstacles in her way (not just Moonface), she is a likeable character and a fitting final girl. There is also a rather comedic appearance from Coscarelli's Phantasm star, the late Angus Scrimm for those hardcore genre fans out there. In short, it was a satisfying opening to the show that contained all the elements that make a good horror film, the monster, the final girl, the chase scenes, the gore, Coscarelli definitely delivers in this one.

5. Pelts

Dario Argento is a man who's career has met an unfortunate decline in quality in recent years, however the episodes that he directed for Masters of Horror show that the Italian Hitchcock has not lost his touch. Pelts was his second entry to the show and involved fur trader Jake (Meat Loaf) who gets more than he bargained for when he makes fur coats from cursed raccoon's. It sounds like a ludicrous plot but it is one of the more comedic episodes, albeit darkly comedic. What I liked about it most was that it was a stylistic throwback of sorts to Argento's earlier films such as Suspiria, the lighting in both the strip club and the apartment are very reminiscent of Argento's masterpiece. There are also great performances from Meat Loaf and horror alum John Saxon (who starred in an earlier Argento flick, Tenebrae), they really bring life to their rather sleazy characters. Most of all in typical Argento style, its gruesome and bloody, it's an episode that will make you both laugh and cringe and is one of Argento's better modern works.

4. Family

Another of the more comedic episodes, this time directed by a man with as much love for horror as he has for comedy, John Landis. The episode follows Harold (George Wendt), a seemingly innocent old man who lives in a typical suburban neighborhood, in reality he is a serial killer. Harold soon becomes obsessed with a young couple who move in near him, especially the wife Celia (Meredith Monroe), but not everything is as it seems. I loved this episode, Wendt gives a brilliant performance as the warm-hearted killer and seeing the way he interacts with the bodies of his dead victims like they're his family is entertaining in a twisted way. Landis achieves the perfect blend of humor and horror in Family, offering some sinister twists and turns along the way and I consider it to be a highlight of his career. His other episode Deer Woman is also worth a watch and contains a sly reference to An American Werewolf in London.

3. Jenifer

Argento's other episode is a twisted gore fest about temptation and lust, it follows Police Officer Frank Spivey (Steven Weber) who rescues a mysterious young girl with a beautiful body but a hideously disfigured face. It is one of the more brutal episodes and Argento is relentless with the gore, nobody is safe in Jenifer, not even cats or children. Seeing Spivey's insidious relationship with Jenifer spiral out of control is quite terrifying and it is only enhanced by the brilliant performance from Weber along with Jenifer's rather terrifying appearance. Like many of Argento's works, Jenifer has a chilling score from Claudio Simonetti of Goblin which makes everything all the more chilling. A terrifying blend of lust and repulsion, like Pelts, Jenifer is one of Argento's greatest modern works.

2. John Carpenter's Cigarette Burns

With a big name like John Carpenter attached to this episode you know it's bound to be good. Featuring the talented Norman Reedus as projectionist Kirby, it follows him on his mission to find the last existing reel of infamous horror film La Fin Absolute du Monde, a film that is thought to be cursed. Along the way he deals with the loss of his girlfriend to an overdose and her vengeful father who wants to shut down Kirby's cinema, along with terrifying visions. The episode is a slow burner, all throughout we are teased with this supposedly cursed film and wait in suspense for it to finally be revealed, who better to build such suspense than John Carpenter himself, right? It is a slow burner but all worth it in the grizzly climax that involves a movie projector and the always entertaining Udo Kier. It reminds us that Carpenter still has not lost his mojo when it comes to horror and suspense as he delivers one of the best episodes of the series, but the best is yet to come..

1. Imprint

Now you know you're doing something right when your episode is pulled from airing for being too graphic, and of all people to achieve this it was of course Takashi Miike. Miike is a Japanese director known for his violent films such as Ichi the Killer and disturbing ones such as Audition. Imprint is both violent and disturbing in a tale involving abortions, mutations, incest and (in classic Miike fashion) needle torture. It follows American tourist Christopher (Billy Drago) returning to Japan to seek out his former lover in a seedy brothel, here he meets a young, disfigured prostitute (Youki Kudoh) who tells Christopher what really happened to his lover. Think Akira Kurosawa's Rashomon as a horror and you have Imprint, it has various versions of the same story told by an unreliable narrator and is full of sinister twists throughout. Personally I loved it, it's one of the most surreal and disturbing pieces of horror that I've ever seen and has stuck with me ever since I first watched it, making many modern horrors look like episodes of Scooby Doo in comparison. Miike gains the true title of master of horror in what is one of the most extreme pieces of television ever, a must see for every horror fanatic.

There are several honourable mentions such as Deer Woman, Sick Girl and We All Scream for Ice Cream, but the six I have mentioned above are the ones that truly stood out for me among many of the painfully mediocre episodes. Masters of Horror was not a perfect series, however those episodes are what made it somewhat enjoyable partially due to their directors, all real horror masters. So that's it for this brief post, my next post will be the beginning of a fortnightly post where I look back at classic cult horror films and give my thoughts on them so stay tuned for that. 

What if?- Iron Man 3

It's that time of the month again, that's right it's time for another 'what if?' article. Every month I look at a film that was either almost made, that I think should be made or that was just plain bad and in need of a re imagining and think about what if it were made or what if it were good. No film fits the criteria of the latter as much as Iron Man 3, the most recent standalone outing for Marvel's fan favourite hero that kick started phase 2 of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. The film promised to be darker in tone that previous films in the Iron Man franchise, especially due to the introduction of Ben Kingsley's Mandarin character, the arch nemesis of Iron Man in the comics. However, the result was a disappointing entry to the MCU that offered the same tired formula as previous entries, but what made it so bad? Well to start, the Mandarin was revealed to be no more than a drugged up actor playing the fictitious terrorist leader under the influence of Guy Pearce's Aldrich Killian. Again, a plot that involved Iron Man fighting a rival industrialist who was easily disposed of by the films end. Up until that plot twist I was quite enjoying the film, it was somewhat darker while retaining Tony Stark's (Robert Downey Jr.) signature humour and until that dreadful revelation it looked promising. So here is how I would have done things.

The First Act

The first act remains essentially the same, Tony suffers PTSD after the events of Avengers Assemble, his bodyguard Happy (John Favreau) is put into hospital after an encounter with an extremis soldier and the Mandarin is sending extremis soldiers to terrorise US. However, there would be several changes in this version, first of all Rhodey (Don Cheadle) becomes the Iron Patriot earlier on in the film (this will come into play later) who is fighting in the Middle East against the Ten Rings terrorist organisation. Secondly, Aldrich Killian would only have a minor role similar to the comics where he commits suicide near the beginning leaving Dr. Maya Hansen (Rebecca Hall) in charge of his company. Finally, there would be scenes involving the Mandarin himself, not just the video messages he sends but scenes that focus on him and give him more depth. They would involve him meditating and doing other things like that in an attempt to unlock the power of the ten rings which he possesses. In this version, the terrorist leader believes that if he can unlock their power he will become invincible. Also the opening scene would be one of Tony talking to Bruce Banner (Mark Ruffalo) similar to the post credits scene of the actual film. Then it more or less carries on the way the film does, Tony calls out the Mandarin resulting in an attack on his house leaving him stranded in some small town in the middle of nowhere.

The Second Act

For Tony, this would essentially go the same way as it does in the film. He meets Harley (Ty Simpkins), fends off the two extremis soldiers and eventually rebuilds his armor and finds the Mandarins location. Meanwhile Pepper teams up with Maya Hansen trying to find Tony while at the same time she worries over the disappearance of Rhodey who she has not been able to contact. Eventually Maya reveals herself to be working for the Mandarin and sedates Pepper. Tony then discovers that the Mandarin is hiding out in Miami and flies there, entering the mansion in a similar manner to the actual film. Once inside however, he confronts Hansen who teases him over the fact that she has Pepper, Tony demands that she tell him where she is but Maya is then shot by the Mandarin who then does the same to Tony. Stark regains consciousness and the Mandarin goes on a monologue about how he hates America and all that stuff he usually talks about in the film, he then reveals Rhodey who is chained to the wall. He forces Tony to watch as he tortures Rhodey which emphasises how relentless he really is. He eventually stops, sparing Rhodeys life before telling Tony that he will only become more powerful. Tony somehow manages to escape and rescue Rhodey however the mansion is crawling with extremis soldiers, Tony manages to call in his armor from home and uses it to escape along with Rhodey, however Pepper is nowhere to be found.

The Third Act

The third act begins in a similar fashion to the actual film, Tony fends off extremis soldiers aboard air force 1 only this time he saves the president and they fly off to his secret bunker for protection. Meanwhile the Mandarin's scientists have injected Pepper Potts with extremis while he meditates. After they complete the procedure, one of them goes to tell the Mandarin who opens his eyes, they are glowing. He then says that he has accessed the power of the rings before disintegrating the scientist using one of the ten rings. This version of the films climax would take place at the presidents bunker, Tony and Rhodey are tasked with fending off the extremis soldiers, They are both weak due to Tony's gunshot wound and Rhodey's wounds from being tortured, Tony then decides to call in his large arsenal of armors like in the actual film and manages to take out the extremis soldiers leaving only one remaining, Pepper. Tony is shocked to see her like this and tries to save her however like in the actual film she falls to her apparent death. Iron Man then confronts the Mandarin who has achieved the power of the ten rings, he taunts Stark, Stark taunts him back and it is an intense and emotional confrontation. Tony however is no match for the rings and although he puts up a good fight, he cannot defeat the Mandarin. As the villain prepares to strike down Stark, he is taken by surprise by Pepper who finishes him off, leaving him in a comatose state. After that the film ends more or less the way the actual film does, Pepper is cured, Tony gets shrapnel out of his chest, Happy recovers etc. The ten rings are seen being taken to a S.H.I.E.L.D. H.Q. and the final shot is that of the comatose Mandarin held up in a medical wing of a maximum security cell. The post credits scene would then hint at HYDRA making a return.

It's not perfect but I think it fixes the whole Mandarin flaw from the film and does not treat him like a disposable villain, it leaves him there waiting to recover and seek his revenge on Iron Man. I also included the ten rings as I think it works considering Tony's recent encounter with the extra terrestrial. Also, if this was the actual film it would have more AC DC on the soundtrack, something it lacked in comparison to the other films. So that's my take on how the film should have went which leaves us at the end of another 'what if?' segment. In my next post I will be looking back at the series Masters of Horror and also there will soon be another fortnightly post which I will be starting so stay tuned for that!